I felt like I ate a Cactus!

Elder Paxman and Elder Blood on exchanges

This picture shared to me by Elder Bloods mom via facebook.

Dear Mom,

You have snow on the mountains? I do love the mountains when they have snow on them; they look just amazing when they do. Although I prefer no snow, so I can go hike in them a lot easier. This week I am doing... Well I’m hanging in there, let’s go with that. Ha ha.

I heard that Indy had snow one day last week.  Did you get snow down where you are or just rain?  Are you keeping warm? We did get snow on Halloween night and I am staying warm for the most part. We have only had a few days of bitter cold, but we are getting more as the days go on.  I will get a blanket sometime; it is not on my priority list though.

I received a picture of you and Elder Blood. Did you guys have exchanges recently and in what town was the picture taken? Didn’t he come out with you just 6 weeks ago? He did come out the same time I arrived, and he is Elder Rowberry's greenie. I really like him; he is a good kid, with a good heart. We were on exchanges in Columbus and that picture was taken about oh three weeks ago or so.

I taught my first lesson to the Sunbeams this past Sunday, it was about music and the way it can make us feel.  I gave them all kazoos, harmonicas and little flutes to play.  Bribery works.  It is true the amazing influence that music has on each of us. Speaking of which where is that CD? I am bored with the CD's I have. Anyway, hahahaha man crazy kids, the parents probably didn't like you very much for giving the little monsters a bunch of loud noise making objects haha. But hey as long as you don't have to hear it right?!? Totally joking. (I did not refer to them as monsters, that is just Ben talking)

Every week I check Facebook and give him updates on his friends lives. Bro. Smiley I love that man, I bet his Facebook posts are just a riot and a half. At least Bro. Smiley is still staying on point with all the new social hub-bub. I knew about Tyler that started to develop right before I left. Summer is getting married!!!!!!! Freak Mom!! They are dropping like flies.  That is tons of excitement, I remember the last time I saw Christina it was in the MTC actually and she hardly even recognized me, mainly because of the new height and weight thing. Now I probably look even more different, seeing as I don't have the chunky squirrel cheeks anymore!! I give her till the time I get back and she will be married. So that is what 8 months. Joel does come home in December; I still do keep in close contact with him, usually once every other week if not every week. Cameron is every week, Trenton is usually every week, and my companion from the MTC Elder Johnston is every week as well. So yea I still keep in contact with a lot of the old buds. We are already planning a time for what we call. "Story time with the Bros" Or in other words where we just all sit around and B.S. and have a good time. (Is it bad that a missionary includes B.S. in his email..... Ah ni modo).

How was your weight at your appointment?  Your blood tests were sent to me, your Iron is still low, your platelets still high.  Sounds good with Doc. Flynn I am still taking Oral Iron, which doesn't bother me one bit.  My weight was 165 so it has gone up a little since I have been out here, I think because of my awesome muscles hahahaha, not really but hey one can dream. I will keep eating, don't worry.

So you did get Colton's bike?  Have you had it since transfers?  How is it working for you? What did you do with your bike?  Will you continue to ride a bike in the snow as long as you are in Seymour?  I got Elder Hjelms bike and we just talked for a brief second, and I think you are paying his mom, he said that the moms were working it out, and I said sounds great to me. I have had it since transfers and it is really nice to have. It makes biking not as much of a pain, we will probably still bike or walk in the winter so that will be interesting.   I still have the old bike and it will sit there or in a dumpster till a time and a place when it is needed haha.

Your prayers are more appreciated than many people realize, I can feel it as a tether that keeps me above water in the moments of darkness. I have always found it best to just jump in and get to work, but maybe for others it needs to be different.   I will elaborate how the work is going for me later on.

I did get your package and it was awesome thanks mom! I did realize that one was for my companion and I did see your little note scribbled on the side of it. I really liked all that was in the package.  Thank Nancy Thoreson for the banners they are awesome!!  I loved the food, everything thanks for that mom. The cologne did survive and it was much needed thank you.

(added after his mission was complete)  Elder Paxman's greenie at this time really struggled and we omitted all of the information from his blog, I'm now adding it so it will be in the printed version.

Well Elder Seegmillers parents worries might become reality, for a few different reasons, one some stuff might need to be fixed for him to function as a worthy full time missionary, and we are working on that stuff. Another is he is really down a lot of the time because of that whole issue. Things are getting better, but some of the work has had to take a hit, so I can try to address personal needs more. I do not know if talking with his family helped at all, I sure hope it did. It went well with President I think it was just for him, so they are working things out, we have some other meetings for him today too, so we will see how things go. The plan of attack is wait and see. Other than that I am not too sure. I feel like him and I get along really well, I hope I have helped him in these hard times. I want you to do something for me though if you can. It is asking a lot and I hope it is not over stepping bounds. I would like you to get his mothers number and call her for me, or reach out somehow. Whether just you or Dad and you it does not matter. I want you to just talk to them, imagine if I was struggling greatly in the mission and if someone were to call you. They need just as much help as he does in this situation, because even if this does go south I want both him and his family to know, that there are some people not far off who are here to help. I know it is asking a lot of you, but if you could do that for me I would be forever grateful. She is even welcome to email me if she wishes. Just be friends to them if you could. The example that comes to my mind is when I came home, I never asked what it was like for you or Dad in the process, but Aunt Deb, and some others told me a little bit about it. I really want to help him and his family, even if it turns out that he does not stay, I want them to know that I will not leave him hopeless or abandoned. So please if you could do that it would be great. Your prayers are more appreciated than many people realize, I can feel it as a tether that keeps me above water in the moments of darkness. He seems to be doing better, maybe because I have slacked off on the driving force of the work. I always found it best to just jump, but maybe for him it will be different. I can get him out to do the work the problem is he feels sick doing it, and that it just puts him in this mood as if someone just smacked super hard and is making him feel guilty. 

How is the work?  How are your investigators, especially Bertin? The work: So we have no new investigators and this week was really slow. One, because I got sick twice! From the same stinking restaurant, so I will not be going there anymore. It’s called El Nopal or the cactus in English and it was like I ate a freaking cactus with all the spikes on and everything, it was awful!! It was even bothering my companion. We pretty much tract to find people and sometimes PC, but it is very rare that we do that. Lessons, number wise was really small, Bertin is coming along slowly but surely, he should be coming with us to church again this Sunday, which will be great for him. He is so close I can just feel it; I am just not sure what we need to teach to get him to just fall off the fence so to speak.  I have a few funny experiences I want to share, but they are kind of long and I am running low on time so I will share some another time, also they probably aren't as funny in English...?

Okay, now the spiritual thought I want to share, and how I am doing go hand in hand. Honestly mom, at times I feel like just rolling into a ball and rocking myself to sleep. It takes a lot out of me when I see investigators and others struggle. I always seem to feel like I have not done enough... like I can never do enough. Overall these events of recent have really gone toe to toe so to speak with my emotions and spiritual well-being. I love this mission with everything I have, if that has not been blatantly clear, then I do not know how else I can say it. I have fought for it many a times and I will fight again. This week we had a pretty in depth discussion. The central idea was this. "How do you know that God loves you?" As this question was asked to me, I at first did not know quite what to say, all I knew is that he does and I could not deny it. I remember trying to tell people what it feels like to feel his love, but never being able to come up with just the right words.  I pondered back on moments in my life where events transpired to the point where I was either alone or in the hospital or really sick or whatever it was. Several thoughts raced into my mind. One was of an experience I have told no one about.  I feel it appropriate to share at this moment a little bit of those thoughts.  I of course will still not disclose all of the experience though. It was the day I came home from the mission, I tell people about that day, but always leave out the part of getting off the plane in SLC.   I was walking through the concourse and nearing the area where I come to the escalators to see my family waiting, those who you have waited so long to see.   I stopped in the hallway that has windows on one side and the little moving walkway and pictures on the other. I just looked outside and thought to myself... "So what is the purpose behind all of this? What is everyone going to think? Am I going to still be able to stay strong in the gospel? How long till I recover fully? As well as many other questions. I remember I hadn't even said a "prayer" so to speak, besides the one I try to carry in my heart always. But I had this kind of gradual sense as if someone was standing beside me supporting me, looking out the window with me.  It was so real, I looked to see if anyone was there, and there was not. I remember almost an audible voice yet not, almost as if someone was placing thoughts into my heart and then kind of giving me a nudge in the right direction. That feeling, to this day rings in my heart as well as many others. I remember looking back out the window and seeing the mountains and everything I had given up to serve, I almost didn't want it; I almost wanted to go back to the flat lands of Indiana. Those thoughts were swept away in an instant and I had the feeling that “this is where you are needed... This is where you belong at this time in your life." I then looked at where I knew my family would be waiting and walked on, while putting a huge smile on my face. I do not know if I have ever felt as alone as I did in that moment, even though there were streams of people around me. It didn't even matter, the feelings I felt in that airport that day are a living testament to me that God loves me and all of his children. Even and maybe especially when we feel abandoned or alone in this home away from home we call earth. Everyone can feel of His love if they but seek it out. I don't know if in the airport I was seeking it out, but it sure did find me in the moment when I needed it most. I knew I was where Heavenly Father wanted me to be. Now even though I am back on the mission, I know as much as I have ever known that going home was what was needed at that time in my life, I don't know why, and I may never know exactly why. Heck there could be a thousand different reasons, but I am indeed forever grateful that I was needed elsewhere than the mission field at that time in my life. I have grown stronger because of it. The Lord and our Father in Heaven work in often mysterious ways. Unto which small things in the sight of man bring to pass mighty things. Who knows maybe one day I will look back and be able to see why I went home or at least one of the reasons.  (Fingers crossed to meeting a hot wife in the mission!! Ha ha Just kidding.  Just lightening things up.) But not knowing is also some of the surprise I think. Anyway I have probably rambled a little.

Well Mom I love you so much and I hope that everything goes well for you and the family back at home. My prayers are often with you. I am excited to hear about the next weeks adventures, and hopefully this letter was needed by someone. Well I love you and I can't wait for the CD and the day when I get to see all of your smiling faces again. (Well actually, I can wait for a nice long 8 months ;))  Love you all and have a great week.

Love, Elder Paxman