Monday, March 23, 2015

100 Days Left Of The Mission

Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday! I am glad it was a good birthday. Chocolate covered strawberries, oh my goodness mom haha. I am glad that I do not like those things that much haha. Because if I ever had them, you would steal them before I even got a chance to eat more than one. I’m glad Bailee cooked birthday dinner, it sounds good, and you not having to cook on your birthday seems to be a plus. There is a member here that is teaching me how to cook a little. So hopefully when all is said and done, I can cook us some awesome food!! Maybe we will see though.

I have taken it into thought to maybe keep writing my thoughts after my mission. Writing on a blog or something. Maybe even novels or something. We will see. You can be my editor? What do you think? Up for the challenge? Haha, kidding, maybe in my dreams.

How have you been feeling?  Any news on your test? My health is doing pretty good. No news on the test though. So I figure that is probably a good thing haha. Some minor issues with health, but for the most part, I am doing pretty good. It was an MRI and it took maybe an hour. It wasn't bad. They put me in an MRI machine, and did a lot of pictures. Put in some different contrasts and such. I had to get an IV... Fooey... I hate those things. Although I am so used to them now, it is just like whatever, pick the vein you want. We had the test at 8:30 a.m., but we had to be there at 630!! Freaking early drive was killer, because we live about an hour away from Indy. After the test we went and saw Celeste, a convert of mine in the city. After that we went out to eat, and went home. The plan from here on out, is to continue to take Oral Iron it seems and also to try the new drink she has for me.

How are things going with your investigators? The investigators are doing pretty good. Hopefully we can find some more this week.  Margarita,  we have not been able to meet with her again, because her husband has been working quite a bit and he needs to be there for us to teach her. So hopefully this week we can get a hold of her and teach her again. The 8 year old is named Santiago, he is a little boy. He is the son of an active family. They want us to teach him though. I think Elder Trapp is going to baptize him, which would be great for him. Santiago’s family is awesome they are called the Rodriguez family, they are from Cancun, they have only been here for a little time. I think like 3 months maybe. They are super nice. We are also teaching the mom and daughter English. The daughter is 16 and reminds me a lot of Brooklyn. She is super nice. I think of her as my little sister in this area.

That is neat that your one investigator wants to be baptized in a River?  Will the branch President approve it?  Do you have a river that would work?  Yea it is really cool that he wants to be baptized in a river. We haven't gotten the permission from the Branch President yet, because he is in Thailand till Thursday. Although by the sounds of it, he won't really care. It would be so cold to do it in a river and freaking awesome!! President Horton will do the baptism though I think. We have plenty of rivers. We can find one, haha.

How was church on Sunday?  Do you have to translate in this branch also or do you just get to participate in the meetings? Church was really good. No one translates. So I just get to sit and listen which is nice. Unless a white person comes who doesn't speak Spanish. Then I translate for them. Something cool about my language though. I have now had several of the members here ask me if I lived in Mexico or other places for a few years. I guess I speak like I lived there for some time. So that was really cool. I even have gotten people to believe I am from Mexico. A state there called Hidalgo, hahahah, it always makes me laugh. They believe me sometimes too. Anyway, enough with that.

How often do you have District meeting?  I have noticed on the Indy page that some districts have themed meetings, do you theme yours? District meetings are every week mom haha I swear I told you that... Anyway we have had a few. I don't theme mine. I like to focus on some more spiritual things hahaha. So I just don't do it.

How do you like working with the sisters? The sisters are nice, they are not too bad to work with. They are really fun, haha so I like them a lot. I feel like we are friends, but we are still getting to know each other.

How often are you eating with members/investigators in this new area? We get fed about 3 times a week or so.

What was your favorite meal prepared for you this week? This week my favorite was probably omelettes or Tacos we had with the Rodriguez family. They are so awesome mom hahaha. I really like that family. I hope to keep in contact with them after my mission.

What is the weirdest or most unusual Hispanic food you have been fed lately? Weirdest thing... Nothing really, we had tacos with only peppers and onion and cheese. Those were different, but really really good! Tacos are one of my favorites or Mole! Although, I haven't gotten Mole for a while. I love good tacos though.
What kind of car are you driving in this area? I am driving a gun metal colored Chevy Cruze. I really like it. It is probably one of, if not my favorite mission car.

Have you eaten all of the snacks from your package? I have eaten the hoho's. The R family helped me eat the cookies. I also ate the honey candies. They are amazing!!! I loved them! We need to learn how to make them. They are soooooo good!!!

What is the strangest or bizarre thing you witnessed this week if any? This week, the most strange or bizarre thing... I really have no idea.  I can't think of anything. Although I was able to fool Hermana Rodriguez into thinking I was engaged, hahahaha with my CTR ring!!! That was really funny. Also, that I had been stabbed in my past by showing her my port scar. It was awesome! She is really fun to mess with. I really love that family, they are awesome. I really like everyone in this branch, they are awesome!

Any spiritual experiences stand out from the week? A spiritual experience I had this week.... hmmm.... I have a lot. One was I was listening to a talk from an old GC and it said that every person you touch on your mission will be forever grateful for everything you have done for them. I hope this is true for those whom I have met. Also the general authority said that every mission is specially formatted to help the individual missionary grow the most. I really liked the talk. There were many this week.

Daddy and I had a talk about trying harder to listen and pay attention to impressions and not question where they come from, our own head or the spirit, but to just act. Sometimes I get an impression and I doubt what I should do and then the opportunity to serve is lost.   I am the same sometimes, with my thoughts and impressions. I have tried to make a goal, when I feel an impression, to do whatever I feel at that moment. It then later allows Heavenly Father to trust me with more of them.

Okay well I will wrap up with the spiritual thought. I was given a challeng/commitment to read the D&C backwards, starting at 138 and ending at 1 of course. In the last 138 days of my mission. I have been doing this and as I was reading today, I realized that today is my 100 day. I have 100 days left in the mission. Including today. That was a crazy thought for me. I remember when I reached day 100 on the mission. It felt like I was on my way to bigger and better things... Let's just say I may not feel 100% the same way ;) hahaha. It makes me sad to think it is coming to an end... I know it has been worth every sacrifice and hard time. I was reading a scripture in the D&C and came to a realization. It mentioned about if necessary laying down one’s life for the Lord.  I have never taken much thought of it, because that does not happen much in these days. I then in a non-prideful way got a feeling, that I had done it before in my life... I was confused and started to think back. I was taken back to when I left the mission the first time. I realized that, then and there, I would have laid down my life for this Gospel. I wondered how I could have been so strong in that moment. I had almost lost my life it seemed, and it has been but a small thing to me. I realized that when we do hard things for the Lord we in reality are taking His yoke upon us. I learned that He has already taken mine, and tries to take it every day. The only reason He is not carrying all of it, is because I will not let Him. The same goes for everyone. His yoke is easy and His burden light. It always has been and always will be. What makes it seem so hard at times, is we want to carry His and ours at the same time. This is nigh impossible. To live the life of a true disciple we must be willing to sacrifice everything, our very soul if need be. To bring to pass His great work. Christ has said, "For he who loses his life for my sake shall find it..." Or something like that anyway. There are times where we feel so strong and that we would lay down our lives for this Gospel and what we believe. There are others where we cannot even lay down the remote to answer the phone, let alone do his work... I know for I have been in both places it seems. As have we all I feel. The thing is we may never ALWAYS feel ready to lay down our lives for this work. Joseph Smith a far better man than I will ever be, at the end, when balls were flying and death was at the door, ran for the window. He did not want to die; he had so much to live for, as do we all. So how and why do we expect others and ourselves to have the conviction to lay down their life at all times, when we do not even comprehend the full magnitude of it, nor may we ever. There was only one man who ever did and He gave his life, and took it again. So that one day we may follow in His footsteps. I have felt the waves of conviction in my life. We all have. Our goal is to have it be a constant flow of waves not one great Tsunami that comes in one great wave only too seep back in the ocean from wens it came. I am trying to be more dedicated and have more conviction so that when my time comes to return to the normal walk of life. I can do so with arms held high knowing that even though this stage of my journey may be done. I will forever hold its memories in my heart and the lessons it taught me as clothes on my back. Maybe a better word should be Armor ;) I hope to be like I was in the hospital those days when I was willing to lay down my life for what I believed. Maybe my conviction then wasn't even that strong, although I felt it was. I hope to obtain that once again, and do my best to have it the rest of my life, and if not, at least know I have increased in conviction in some small way. 

Well This letter has gotten long. I hope that someone gets something out of it. If not it is nice to write what I feel at times. So I feel that I get things out of it. Well I love you all so much and hope that this week is filled with so many blessings, that you can "scarce but take them in". I love you and can't wait to hear from you next week.

Love, Elder Paxman

Hopefully this wasn't too preachy. I do not feel as though it was, but sometimes my judgement can be off. Well love you and hope to hear from you soon!    

Friday, March 20, 2015

Letter to Dad: Trials make the man

 You'll understand the pictures after you read the letter.
He wondered if he would ever serve a full time mission.
But as he says... Trials make the man.



February Zone Conference

Dear Dad,
I am feeling a bit better. Yea it seems as though I have got an alright grasp. I am hoping it was just a bug or a hiccup. Who knows we will see. These trails have been a really good experience for me, although they have been rough at times. I feel though as you said, that this will accompany me in this life. Which I am not bothered by. It reminds me of Joseph Smith when he talks on how he has known these things (persecutions and afflictions) his whole life, and he would not know what entirely to do without them. For me he says a part about how he is want to swim in deep water... Better deep than shallow. I thought the other day, what would have happened if they would have caught the problem soon in my life? I then thought this simple and to me powerful thought. "You would not be anywhere near the man you are today." I would not be willing to change that for many things in this life. As the health has come back up as an issue, it has made me think of the gift of a body we are all given. Mine has some malfunctions, but it is mine none the less. It’s like the toy that after years of being outside and now looks thrashed, that has no less value to the kid who loved it then when it was new. My body is not perfect, and no one’s is. It has its flaws as do we all. But as the Lord said to Ether and Moroni, "I will make weak things become strong unto you..." Plus, I can still run, I can still eat many foods, I can still do many things that some unfortunate souls cannot. I owe much to how my life has turned out and will turn out because of my health. I wish with all my heart to finish out my mission. I would give just about anything, but if it is not the Will of the Lord for me, than that is what needs to happen. Although something as dramatic as last time will have to come up for me to even think about it. I will let you know if there are any big medical decisions I am unsure about.  As of right not, I am just getting ready for the test on Wednesday, hoping all goes well. So we will find out.
I love the mission, it makes me really sad to see it coming to a close for the second time. I am hoping to do all I can in these last few months to keep pushing forward. I am sure you realized it at times when you were on the mission. The time that I bet you learned some of the most is when your Father passed away. I cannot imagine what that would be like... I am sorry it happened that way. Although I am sure it has been a blessing in your life as well, as it has in mine. I still remember that day in the temple when we were talking with the Temple President, I will never forget that experience... Well I will stop writing it has gotten long. I hope this week is an amazing one for you dad!! I love you so much and am so grateful for everything you have done for me in my life, all the love and support. I told my companion right after I was done talking to you on the phone, with tear filled eyes. "He gets me every time with that one..." He then said what. I said "When he says Son, I am proud of you." Dad that means more than the world to me. I hope I can continue to live up to what you expect of me. I love you so much and look forward to hearing from you soon. My prayers are with you always.

Love, your son.

A side note: Elder Paxman has been having a few small health issues. Nothing really serious, but whenever he has an issue he fears it will be the beginning of the end of his time in the mission field. He had a big test on Wednesday just to make sure there wasn't something serious going on.  We talked to him a few days before, and he was feeling almost back to normal from having a few sick days the week prior.  He was happy and lovig the work. We have not heard anything back about the test on Wednesday and assume no news is good news.  According to the President and his PA he continues to work hard, looks good and doesn't let this get him down.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

I want to be baptized in a river.

Dear Mom,

My health is doing pretty good. Not perfect, but better than before. My appetite has been sporadic, but for the most part good! As far as energy goes I have been doing fine. I hope not to have to take IV Iron. It sucks. I think my Iron is good enough to just be doing the pills. I have been eating fine mom. Don't worry. I know you will, but don't. I had a feeling as I was preparing to come back out, that my health would falter at times. So I am not too shocked about it, although for it to happen so sudden, that was interesting. So yep I am doing good overall. We will see how my test Wednesday goes.

I have been able to get out and do work for the most part. When it is really bad, we stay in the residence, but I am kind of stubborn, so that hasn't been very often. 

 Did you get our package? I did get the package and I did really like what was in it. The HoHo's are awesome. I love those things. Although, I have not eaten a ton of the stuff that is in there. I am rationing it. I haven't really shared with my comp... Oh well he will live... tehehe. I have shared a few things.

How is the mission and the work going?  The mission is going good. Sometimes slow, but that is okay. Also we have had some really good lessons, so I can't complain one bit. We will always look for new people to teach, but we just won't focus on that. We are going to focus more on the LARCS and part members. Both President Cleveland, and myself, have felt impressed to really work with those people in this area. I feel as though the President likes this plan of attack, so we will see how it goes.

How is the branch? The branch. I have attended once. Once was stake conference and another we cancelled because of weather. So this last Sunday was my first time. I really liked it; it seems like a great little branch. It is a small branch. We are getting fed by the members, probably about 3 to 4 times a week. It is also increasing which is nice. So that is going well, and they make really good food!

How large is your area?  You mentioned a place called Frankfort?  Where is that? How often will you go there?  The area pretty much covers the stake so it is huge. Frankfort is kind of our area; they have put a Spanish Elder there to stripe it. So we don't really go there, unless he needs help. It is about 30 min from Lafayette.

How is your investigator from the Dominican Republic doing? He is hard to understand, but I can do it, if there is not a ton going on. We taught him today. Also and interesting thing with him, we stopped by Saturday night quite late. While there we got talking about baptism. He said, I wish to be baptized as soon as possible. We were like... okay we can do that. He then said he also wants to be baptized in a river! So that was cool and we got permission from Pres. for that. Now we just have to talk to the Branch President to make sure he is okay with that. I talked with President last night about him, and because he is the husband of a member and has been coming to church for a while, we have moved up his date. He has only had 3 lessons with us. He read's everything we give him and understands well. So while talking to Pres. I said when is the soonest we can baptize him. President then said. You can baptize him this week if you feel he is ready!!!! WHAT!!!!!???!?!? So yea we talked with him today and as of right now he will be getting baptized the 28th. Mainly because we still have to teach him a few things and get him his interview. So that was really exciting. So hopefully all continues well there and we can keep going forward and baptize him then or sooner! Also an 8 year old we are teaching is probably going to be baptized here in about 2 weeks as well. So things are going well. Hopefully we can find more people to teach and keep helping this area grow. We will see how it all goes. We are very thankful for the blessings the Lord has given us in this area though. There is another woman named Margarita whom we taught for the first time this week. She is the wife of a member in the branch. She is very sweet and reminds me a lot of you. She has been taught a lot before, but never really wanted much to do with the church. Although this last lesson, some stuff came up and we ended up talking about Joseph Smith. It was probably one of the more powerful lessons I have been a part of that was discussing Joseph Smith, it was amazing. There was such an amazing spirit there, so hopefully things will go well with her. We have another lesson with her here on Saturday.

Do you like the apartment you are living in?  I do like the place where we live, it is nice. I also feel that I am getting to know my comp better and better.


Has spring finally arrived in Indiana? It sounds like it has been really nice weather in SLC. That is really nice.  It is spring time here finally. It is usually around 50 degrees or more each day.

Daddy is riding his motorcycle to the fire academy in May and has decided as he passes through Indiana he wants to take you and your comp to lunch.  Is that against the rules?  Yea he hasn't mentioned anything about the ride to the fire academy. I am not sure if that would be against the rules. I have heard of things like that happening before, but I am not too sure. I would be excited to do that, that wouldn't bother me one bit.

MOM:  Don’t say, "say what!" Not that cool. Sorry mom, plus that kind of died a while ago ;) 

Have you had a chance to see the Diaz family while in Indy for the Doc?  Do you think you will get to see them again before you come home? I haven’t seen them in a long time. I have talked with them on the phone recently. I will hopefully see them again once or twice before I come home.

I shared with him that our Stake Conference was themed around strengthening family and building family relationships. I expressed my gratitude and love for our family and our family relationships.  I feel the same way about our family. Even though we bicker sometimes and stuff I have found we have had a really good relationship as far as a family goes overall.

You mentioned that your emails might get shorter, is this because your time has been decreased? The reason the time is going to get shorter is because my companion doesn't email for very much time, and I don't want emailing to be a burden on him. I am still trying to develop a good friendship with him. So that is one, also the library here is a little different so just expect that.

Well I have to wrap up with the spiritual thought because I have like no time left. This week a lot has come to my mind as I have been thinking of health and everything else. So one thing that I have found is that this "sickness" will probably last my entire life. Although to some this sounds kind of sucky, and in some ways it definitely isn't that great. To me it is no problem really. I have been blessed with a life full of many happy moments and great people. Sometimes we have to feel the most sorrow and pain to be able to feel the most joy. Like child birth! ;) hahaha So you know yea it is at times hard, and there may be times in the future where it will be worse or better. Whatever comes, I want to say what I have heard Apostles and Prophets of our dispensation say. "Come what may, and love it!" Sometimes in our lives this is much easier to say than do. Although, if we are founded on our sure foundation of Jesus Christ and his Atonement, we will never fail. We may falter yes, but we will never fail. I have seen it in my life. We at times may not be able to see why we are going through things, but there is always a purpose. For me one of the greatest purposes of my trials; has been to make me a better man, and one day father. I have seen that when we learn from our trials and use them to help us go forward, the world changes and everything is a little better than it was before. Maybe nothing changed except the way we see ourselves and the world. I am grateful for my trials, for they are my greatest blessings; sometimes they just need a little bit of a spit shine to see it. The greatest treasures are those that we work for I believe. Well I am out of time, so I love you so much and hope that this week is great. Maybe you will get more free stuff, maybe not ;) We will see. Although I hope it is filled with what all of you need, I hope we can see people as God does, with the divine potential of becoming. Also that I and others can keep using their trials to better their lives and the lives of those around them. I love you and pray for you often. Have a great week!!

Love, Elder Paxman 


Thursday, March 12, 2015

The Poem: My Mission

In Elder Paxman's last email he asked that I share this poem. 
MY MISSION
As I stared out the window
The tears still in my eyes,
I saw the faces of those I love;
We just said our last good-byes.
The ride was long and trying
As two questions plagued my mind;
Do I want the life that's up ahead
Or the one I left behind?
Two years is such a long, long time
For going door to door.
In my reflecting I thought to myself,
There really must be more.
I dragged myself down off the plane
And stared, smiling at the beach.
When a man turned me the other way,
Saying, "Elder, go find and teach."
I sit reflecting once again
As this day is my last.
Please, Lord, this just isn't fair
The time goes much to fast.
And I stare out the window
The tears in my eyes.
I see Elders, and friends I love,
We've just said our last good-byes.
The ride is long and trying
As two questions plague my mind;
Do I want the life that's up ahead
Or the one I left behind.
Unknown 

Monday, March 9, 2015

Sisters are interesting creatures...

Elder Paxman and a member from Columbus just before transfers.
Dear Mom,
How have you been feeling this week?  Better? I have been alright this last week. My health has been not the greatest. I have gotten very sick three times this last week including Monday. So I am not sure what is going on there.  I am nervous when I get sick. Anyway I do not want to stress you out anymore with that.
How are things going with your new companion? My companion and I get along decently. So far I really like him, he is a good kid. His trainer taught him some interesting things.
How are you adjusting to the new area?  Learning your way around? Did apartment cleaning ensue?  The new area is interesting; I am basically working from close to scratch again hahaha. It seems President likes to keep things interesting. We are really going to be making a push with less actives and part member families. So we will see how that goes. I am hoping that it goes well. We haven't really gotten the opportunity to clean the apartment. It is better than it was before, but overall not the best. We are hoping to get another chunk done today. I am starting to learn how to get around. I do live in the Bluffs apartments, yes right next to a cemetery. As far as rural goes... Not really.
Any requests for your package? Just both the anti-biotics, those will come in handy the way my health is acting. I am afraid I will lose more weight, because while being sick it is hard to eat, because it only makes it worse. So yep fun adventures of health :).  I can't think of anything else that I need in this package. Snacks are always nice. I am really not sure;  because I in reality do not have much time left in the mission, sadly!! 
Has the weather warmed up and is your car ungrounded?  The cars have been ungrounded now for a bit. The weather is starting to warm up which is amazing! I like the warmer weather.
How has The Work been your first week in the new area? The work here in Lafayette is slow as of right now, but I am hoping to change that with the help of the Lord.
Just when you had some commitments for baptism in Columbus you were transferred. Yea it is sad that I was transferred out of Columbus, but I am definitely here for a reason, I can feel it. I hope I can finish out my mission here, or really wherever the Lord needs me. We have found one man, he is the husband of a return missionary women. He is from the Dominican Republic, he is near impossible to understand sometimes haha. He although I feel will progress rapidly if we keep working with him, and do our best as missionaries. His name is Franklin. and he is a very nice man and wants to come closer to God. So we will see how that goes here shortly.
Do you feel as if you are a hard working missionary?  I know this is a dumb question but, I’ve been thinking about it lately, you hear of lazy missionaries or Jack missionaries, and I of course am biased and think you would be a hard worker, but what is your take on your own dedication? Mom I have asked myself that question many a times. Am I a good worker or not? My answer as of this moment, yes we are. We were not perfect and we had days where we were definitely not the best workers or missionaries for that matter. Although we had those days, I feel that we did good work in that area. I always strive to better myself. Although you will find, if you have not already, I am very very hard on myself. Why, I am not so sure, but I am. I feel as though I can always be doing better than I am, and when I don't do enough, or what I feel is enough, I beat myself up about it.  It’s hard to realize that there is only so much I can do, I am but one man, although, this one man can do many mighty miracles with the help of God. Maybe one of the biggest miracles is what happens with my own life. Who knows though maybe I need to humble myself more I am not sure. I feel as though the people in the mission feel my desire to teach and help others, yes. All of them I am not sure, but I feel as though they know what I am here to do. So yea that is a hard question, In the long run, I feel I have done what I have been called to do, and sometimes more.
Any lessons this week?  Anything stand out? We were able to teach a few lessons this last week. Not many, but a few. I am more of a quality versus quantity kind of a guy though. So we will see how things go. We are always trying to teach more lessons. It does not help that I was really sick for a good few days.
How do you feel investigators respond to the law of tithing?  Is it hard for them to commit to this? As far as the Law of Tithes and Offerings, I do feel it is hard sometimes for people to grasp it. I have not had too much of a difficult time with it though. Most people have the faith to do it; it is just committing them to act.  It is hard though, because many of these Hispanic members do not have much to start, so it is a lot to ask them to give up a tenth of what they have. They usually do their best though to do it. It is more of a person by person scenario.
Do you help members with Family Tree?  I have heard a lot of missionaries are helping members to do family history? We do work on that stuff with members. We helped a lady in the branch find and reserve 20 names just this last week. It was nice to help her with that. So yea we work on it with others.
Tell me about your new district?  How many companionships etc.? There are 3 companionship's in my district. Us, the sisters and the ZL's. No others are Spanish except us. Yes the district here is bigger, although I am not sure if I will really ever do exchanges because I don't do them with sisters and then with the ZL's I am not sure how that is going to work. We are also working with Frankfort which is stripped right now, so we will be blitzing that area at times, which means both me and my companion go down there and work. We are their only Spanish support in the Stake. I am the district leader still. We have district meetings about once a week. Sometimes that changes.
How do you feel about having Sisters for the first time?  Be kind to them. I will be kind with the sisters don't worry mom haha. I will be supportive to them, don't worry. Sisters are interesting creatures that is for sure though... Missionaries are kind of weird though. I have come to find this out in the last little while haha.
I told him a bit about my weekend at the Missionary Mom Retreat.  The mission couple that served in the office there in Indy were a part of a panel. That sounds like a cool thing with the panels. I am glad the Hodges sat in on that panel. They are amazing people. I am glad that you enjoyed them sharing that little tid-bit about me. I usually don't tell people much about those days. I feel weak at times when I talk about my illnesses and such. Although they have made me so strong it is hard sometimes for people to see that. I am not sure if you knew all that stuff that the Hodges said. I never included much of what happened in my letters home. Even when I got home, I don't think I told you and dad a ton of what happened. Dad a little more than you, sorry mom, but I am sure he told you none the less. I am glad I have made an impression on someone, but I do not wish to be talked about as some great young man. I only do what I believe is right, what I believe should be done. I am not some great person by any means. I am a simple servant of the Lord. I will do my best, and sometimes I don't it is sad, but true, but when push comes to shove I want to be able to stand and say, my mission wasn't perfect, but it changed my life and the lives of others. To this point I feel it has. Especially my own life, with all the experiences with my health. I have learned more than pen can write, or tongue explain. I hope I do enough to live up to the expectations of others.
I heard Sister Dawn Armstrong from “Meet the Momons” speak this weekend.  She said something I liked.  “Missionaries love people even when they are doing bad things.”  “We all need to be like missionaries and more like Christ and Love people better.” I am really glad she talked on those things. They are things that every good missionary wishes they could teach to members and take home with them after the mission. I have always tried to be loving in my life, at times I have done well, and other times I have not. We all work to improve, so I am glad she asked all to be better at that, because we all can be, even missionaries. We have some people in our lives that need that love. I shouldn't even have to name them for you to know. There are several people I have in my "sights" so to speak when I get back home.
Also we learned that Fear and Faith occupy the same space.  In Preach My Gospel is says the only thing that keeps you from finding people to teach is fear.  That is very true and at times I have had a lot of fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, but being able to move forward and act with Faith even when the fear is present. At least in my point of view. Fear is the opposite of Faith that is true, but many times we have to push through the Fear before the faith will come. Elder Holland says that if you have any converts on your mission the first one better be YOU! I hope that if there is one thing I have gotten out of my mission it is that. That I have been changed, sometimes I don't feel any different, and other times I look in the mirror and feel like I have no idea who I am looking at. The goal for me and I feel many missionaries is to keep that change even when we come home.
One other topic discussed was that the best kept secret in the church is how truly hard it is to watch your son or daughter walk away to serve the lord.  It is true that people do not realize the difficulty of the parents sending out a child to live on their own for 2 years or 18 months in places that are many times dangerous. It is also incredibly hard for the missionary themselves. Many people shrug off how hard it is because many people do it. This does not make the sacrifice any less. In fact, sometimes it’s harder. The decision to serve a mission the first time for me was easy. It was something I had desired all of my life, and that is a story in and of itself for another day. The second time though... Deciding to return, was nigh impossible, you know how hard it was for me, at least in part. I never shared all, nor may I ever, time will tell I am sure :) I am doing my best to finish strong; it makes me sad to think it is almost done... At least the part with the tag is...
Well this letter has gotten really long. So I am going to wrap it up after the spiritual thought of mine, although it was also throughout the whole letter. So as you know this week it will have been 2 years exactly from when I left home that first time, as a young man. My oh my how things have changed. Almost died once, well maybe a few more times than once ;) I have grown in these last two years I feel. Even if some of the things I have learned were things I knew before. There is a poem on my desk or maybe it is still on my desk. It was called my mission. Griff sent it to me at the beginning of my mission. I want you to go read it, and post it on the blog if you can. Some of its thoughts have been on my mind lately. Not all for I am not yet finished, but some. I hope these two years has treated you as well as they have treated me, blessed our family as much as it’s blessed me. These two years may not have been the best, but they will definitely be remembered as some of the greatest. Then again, our best year should be the one we are living right now. I am grateful for all the love and support I receive from all of those in my life. There are many, and many that I do not know very well, and for that I am sorry. Maybe that will change one day. I continually hope and pray that these two years have changed some other soul and not just my poor soul. If not though, at least I have grown. In around 3 months time, I feel as though I will be saying many of the same things. I know though without a shadow of a doubt that God Lives, and that He loves YOU! Each and every one of you!! Trust me sometimes it is so hard to see, but we cannot see what He can. You are divine spirit children of God. Never forget that He loves you. I have at times in my life, and it makes things a lot harder than they need to be. I hope that we may love others as He loves us. Overall I know that the mission is worth it for anyone who is thinking of going. Anyone who is on a mission or anyone who is back from one, you get out of the mission what you put into it, I do believe. If you put in your whole heart and soul, you will get it back, but refined and more pure. I am out of time, but I love you all so much and I hope this week treats you to a few pleasant surprises. My prayers are with you always. 
Love, Elder Paxman     



Tuesday, March 3, 2015

I have been chased by men and animal in the mission..

Elder Paxman at Transfer meeting

Dear Mom,

How was transfer meeting? I hear you were transferred to Lafayette. I was sent a picture of you at transfer meeting, from a member, you look great. The transfer meeting was good, the usual nothing too spectacular. I wasn't surprised by any random changes of what I am doing. So that was really nice! I did get to see quite a few friends. Although many of my dear friends have left, especially this last transfer. I still have a few hanging around so that is nice. I am indeed in Lafayette. . I am glad I looked great. I was sick all yesterday which stinks. I am not sure with what though. It was just like my stomach stuff, but I hadn't eaten anything weird or that much either. My guess is that it was just one of those days for my intestines.

Is there a difference between West Lafayette and Lafayette?  What do you think of the area? Is it a Spanish branch or a ward? Tell me about your companion. Lafayette is closer to Logansport, I was in the same zone I am in now as I was then. It is a branch here in Lafayette; it is about the same size as Columbus. The town it seems has more Hispanics though which should be really nice. My companion is Elder Trapp; he was Elder Ryan's companion in the MTC. So he is really nice, I like him a lot so far. I am only his second companion, or follow up trainer. His Spanish is very new, but he will get better I am sure, just as we all do. I am still a DL and now I have sisters in my district!!!! That is new, although I really like the sisters so that should be a fun new adventure for me. I live in an apartment that was frankly a mess when I got here and still is! We are working on that one haha. Missionaries mom, can be some serious pigs hahaha I am not excluded from that either. The area has not had much progress here, although Elder Trapp says he thinks they could have done a lot better. So we are starting from almost scratch again and we will do our best! I really like Elder Trapp so far, he is quiet, but that is never really an issue for me. I like to consider it a talent to become friends with most people if you just give me a few moments with them. I really like him. He is also from Oregon. The new area should be awesome. It is harder to navigate than Columbus, but it shouldn't take me too long to get a grip of things.

Do you feel where you live and the area is a really nice area or a little scary? Is this the only Spanish area you have not served in, in the mission? Ha-ha it is about normal mom as far as scary goes. Scarier than Columbus, but it is pretty much a partner town with West Lafayette, they are separated by the Wabash river. West Lafayette is where Purdue is. I have already half way served here because of Logansport, and yes this is the only Spanish branch left that I have not served in. I have not served in every Spanish area in the mission, but I have served in every unit. I think I am going to like it here. I hope so, seeing as it has a good possibility of being my last area as a missionary. So far I really like it. I haven't been able to get out into it a ton because the cars have been grounded due to weather. So hopefully the weather will warm up here a bit soon. We had 8 inches of snow last night.

Do you have a full time car or do you share? Ok yes I have a car and it is a full-time car as well. Oh so one last thing about this area. There are some factories here, and they do something with Corn Syrup or something.  Let me tell you they put off one of the worst smells ever!!!! (To me anyway). They smell like someone poured sugar into a pile of nice warm cow feces!! It stinks! It is strong and sometimes permeates throughout the entire town, and even into the apartment.... I hate it!!!! So that is the only down side to this area. hahaha.

I hear the mission has started referring to you as the oldest. I don't mind that title. It is true after all. If you think about it, I should have gone home a week ago!! That is a really weird thought. It hit me while we were driving up to transfers. It was a really creepy and weird thought.

My Uncle Harvey passed away this past week and my Cousin Elizabeth came and stayed with us.  Do you remember either of them?  We stayed with Elizabeth’s family when we visited D.C. I do remember Elizabeth. I am sorry that he passed although as dad always says. "We are all born terminal". I am glad to hear that he lived such a good life. I think that is the goal for all of us. At least that is mine, when all is said and done, people can say that I was a good man and lived a life worth living.

I have decided I am going to see if I can get some members to show me how to cook some real Hispanic food. That way when I get home, I can make us some real Hispanic food!! Although you will have to take them slow, they are kind of hot most of the time tehehe.

News from home:  Bro Hair and Michael came home teaching and asked about you.  Brooklyn’s show will finish tomorrow.  I think she has met some great friends and maybe some potential boys to date, think when you get home Brooklyn will only be a month from dating. I love the Hair's they are always such a great family to us. That is strange to think that she will be in high school next year. Dating is not even okay to think about! That is going to be a handful and a half. I might have to make a plaque or something with some kind of bullet casings or something to scare some small little high schoolers. (Although, there is a chance that they will be bigger than me...).

Anywho, as far as adventures go... Let me see. We have had a few already. One being we went and saw the Tippecanoe battlefield site, which was really cool; we are planning to go back and spend some more time there. Also we touched one of those huge windmill thingies!! I took a video of that one! So that was awesome. Check that off the bucket list. Another interesting thing, in my last area of Columbus, the branch had no young men and young women. Now this branch has some, but not a lot, it is really weird to see people younger than me that are not little children, mainly because I got so used to people being older than me.

Well now to the spiritual side of the email. A lot of stuff has been going through my mind, seeing as if I would have never gotten sick, I would be home right now.  I like the way Elder Ryan put it, I am now putting in overtime. It is crazy to think that so much time has gone by. In the mission we must find a balance between being strict and being fun loving. Many missionaries are different. That just comes from our personalities. I have been thinking a lot about this. Where is the line in everything? To me, I am more on the strict side of the scale. I just chose to be that way. I see it a lot of the time, as the fact that God would not give us commandments and rules thinking that it would be too hard to follow them. Now we will never be exactly obedient, there was only one man who ever was, but we should be striving for exact obedience.  I believe that this should be no excuse for doing what is wrong and claiming it to be okay, because we will never be perfect. The Lord commanded us, "Be ye therefore perfect...". Of course we will never be fully perfect in this life, but it is something to strive for. We must be willing to put our best effort forward if we are willing and wanting to inherit the Kingdom of God. Now this won't always happen. That is fine; there is always room to improve. Heck I feel as though every day I have to improve and be better than I am now. I have felt at different times in my life that those who become complacent with who they are or what they are doing will never grow at any substantial rate. Anyway that was more of a random side tangent. So this week with the thoughts of being home and being out here swirling in my mind, a few things came to my attention. One of which is how we spend our time. I shared some thoughts with some people earlier this week. We must be willing to put our full heart into whatever we are doing, it does not matter what that thing is, but we must be willing to put our heart into it. There are billions of times in my life where I have not done this... And I am sure there will be a many more. Although, I intend to make that number smaller and smaller. Another thought was this, my time as a full time missionary is coming to a close... I have a little over three months left. Although the tag and suits will be put away it does not mean, that I cannot still touch people’s lives by my example and the things in which I do. I have a few people in my sights for when I get home... bwahahaha so watch out. I think they already know who they are. Also, the fact that these last two years, have been some of the greatest years of my life, but when I stop to think, they are no more important than any others that I have lived. For me the best two years should be broken down a little. The best moments of our lives should be the ones we are living right now. If they are not this way, we have the power to change it, and only we have that power. Laman and Lemuel had angels visit them and received personal council from prophets yet they still did not believe. Evidence is not the definer of truth. We define truth ourselves, by what we believe, and what we put our hearts into. I had a phone call with some people that I have grown to love very much. It was sad to hear from them that they had been losing their faith; in the things they have been taught. I pondered heavily in their behalf. I came to a lot of conclusions and I do not have the time to share them all. One of which was that I cannot give someone a testimony. No matter how badly I want to, no matter how hard I try, I cannot convince someone to believe. I do not have that power. I may aid in the process as does the Holy Ghost, but when push comes to shove, it is upon their heads that that decision lies. It is sad when someone decides not to take that step, but it is not the end. We hope and pray that they will come back again into the church or come into it for the first time. As members of this church we need to be a lot less judgmental of those who have lost that faith or those who have not found it yet. For we are not better than them, our souls are not more precious simply because we believe! If you believe that, I invite you to do some deep thinking. We as members are here to help others along the path do not forget that promise you made at baptism!! If you have I invite you to read it again. You can find it in the book of Mosiah in the Book of Mormon. As well as many other places. Remember that you remake or renew all those covenants you have made when you partake of the sacrament each week. It is a marvelous chance to recommit and be better. We are to help those in need, especially those who have lost the faith. In my mission I have had the opportunity to talk with thousands of people about the church. Even off of my mission, I have had a small bit of that same opportunity. As do we all. I heard it said once that some very large percentage of missionaries go less active for a time when they get home. Some stay that way and others do not. Elder Holland once said that one missionary who goes less active is too many. I would like to say the same about the members. One is too many. Now we cannot force them to stay or believe or have a testimony, but we better be willing to go through hell or high water to help them obtain that. In my mission I have been threatened, chased by men and animal, made fun of, had things thrown at us, and many more things, as to stop this great work from going forward. And that is but small stuff compared to what others go through for this great work. Many people think, "I wish I could get involved in the work..." The cool thing is... YOU CAN!!! We all can. We all have friends, we all have people whom we love that do not have the light of this gospel, and if not people who do not possess it, than those who have lost it. It is very hard to share the gospel, don't get me wrong, but I am not asking you to share the gospel. I am asking you to but help those around you who are in dire need of your help. Some of these people you may not even realize need your help.  Some may not want your help, but if you do not help them, than who will. Don't think, well I am not his home teacher or I am not his neighbor. Do you think when all is said and done and the Lord is talking with you, and asks what you did to help that man or those people; do you think he will care if you were their home teacher or not!! I don't!! It is our duty and pleasure as members of this church to help those in need, well scratch that not even as members as simple human beings! It is our responsibility to help those around us. It will be hard, and sometimes we will fail, but at least if they reject you or you fail, you can say that you tried and that you gave it your best. If it is unsuccessful, and you are rejected and cast out, or ignored and forgotten, remember that, right there in that moment, you are standing in the ranks of those great men and women who have done everything for this gospel. You are shoulder to shoulder with the greatest man this world has ever known. So don't be afraid to fail. Many of us don't start the journey because of the fear to fail. I have made that mistake many times, and I am sure I will many more times in my life. Thank goodness for the Atonement. The fear that stops one from starting is the fear that stops one from learning, and growing and being the person they were meant to be. Courage is the virtue of all of the heavenly attributes at their breaking points, said C.S. Lewis. So take heart and don't be afraid. There are better times ahead for those who press forward with faith and courage. Those better times may not come till after this life, but they do come. I hope that we can be an instrument in the Lord's hands to bring to pass those better times in someone else's life. Well I have rambled as always. There has been a lot of thinking done on my part lately. Pondering and thinking have I done what has been required of me? Have I done enough? Am I making the right choices? What do others think of me? Am I being an example of the believers? And so many more. Questions to be addressed another time I guess.  Well, I love you so much and hope that this week treats you well. It seems as though it is going to be a cold one here in Indiana. We will see how it pans out. I love you all so much and hope to hear from you soon.

Love, Elder Paxman     

P.S. My emails might be getting shorter over time because depending on companions and what not, dictates how much time we email for.