When Push Comes to Shove

 Elder Paxman at transfers last Wednesday

Elder Paxman and his new greenie Elder S.

Dear Mom,

I am doing pretty good Mom, at least for the most part. I am indeed a trainer. It has been a week of lots of learning and growing for me and I believe and hope for my companion as well.  His name is Quintin Seegmiller. (I think that is how you spell it) He is from Syracuse Utah and he is 18! I really like him, he is a good kid.  I definitely think we get along well and have things in common.

I hope I can be a good trainer for him and help him along the path to eternal life. The new schedule now that I am a trainer is mainly just 2 hours of comp study a day instead of 1. We will work on the Spanish when that time comes, as of right now we have a little more pressing matters haha. His Spanish is actually pretty good! He is good at speaking he struggles to understand, but for the most part he is doing very well with his Spanish especially at his age in the mission. My Spanish is improving daily it seems it is pretty good I feel.  I have really tried to be open to any ideas he has and to help encourage him to speak the language well. I hope I have been a good trainer... It makes me think of all the times in my life I have felt inadequate, which there have been oh so many, as I am sure there is in everyone's life. We just want to show people we can do things too and we are worth the effort, and almost every time this feeling has occurred, the Lord has brought me through it, and I have seen Him bring many others through it as well. So I know he will help us if we simply let him. Thanks for all of the advice mom, every little bit helps, and all of the prayers for all of us as missionaries are much appreciated. 8/  I hope I can live up to everyone's expectations... I really want to be the best I possibly can for him and for the Lord. It breaks my heart to see those I love and have come to love struggle. I have been blessed to be able to Love him at least a fraction the way the Savior does.

 The work has been going good, the last few days we have found a few new people and taught quite a few people. We usually spend at least 5-6 hours tracting or teaching a day.   Everyone is doing pretty good, Bertin is still struggling with getting an answer. Mom I wish to take a moment to say how much I love that young man, he has become a dear friend of mine and another person whom I hope to see enter the waters of Baptism and continue in this Gospel.  He is an amazing person, and I hope you get to meet him one day. Thank you again for all the prayers I think often times I forget that behind each missionary are around a billion other people on all sides of the veil, rooting and cheering them on. I know I have felt the closeness of many people who are far from me in my dark moments, whether on this or the other side of the veil.

That is awesome about the area 70 and the Stake Conference.  I hope to be able to keep in contact with many of those whom I have touched and have touched me spiritually for many many years. I will have to read that scripture and see if I can put the emphasis on it as well. So as far as the music goes, did you put together a CD, with all the songs I mentioned on it?? If not if you could do so, that would be awesome! And it is alright if not. I got both the letter and the postcard so we are in business as far as me receiving mail at the residence goes.  I am way looking forward to the package!! Thanks mom for putting those together for me! I will definitely check the mail for the package.

As far as Halloween goes we have not done anything fun really. It isn't as big of a holiday for us missionaries as Christmas or Easter. We just had the party this last week.

I have already bought the Halloween candy and put it in the bowl and Daddy keeps trying to snitch butterfingers out of it.  I might have to hide it.  Hahahahaha Hey I would be doing the same if I was home! I love Butterfingers so much; they are probably the best candy in the world!

How is your weather?  Has it cooled down at all?  Are you wearing sweaters yet?  

I have worn a sweater a few times, but not many. It is still pretty much the same as far as weather goes here. I am expecting the temperature to drop here soon.

At transfer meeting did Elder Hjelm happen to mention if he would be done with his bike or not?  His mom said she would remind him that you want to buy it from him.  Does your companion have a bike or did he have to buy one when he got to Indy?  Yea so he gave me his bike and stuff so we are good on that front. Plus it has been super nice riding his bike; also it has been nice because I think the other one is just about dead haha. My companion bought one online that was there when we got his luggage and stuff. So that was nice.

Have you bought a blanket yet? I don't have a blanket yet, I have not needed one, I actually have been hot at nights sometimes. I am still not sure if I am not a vampire or something!  haha.

Did you get to see any Elders you hadn't seen yet while you were at Transfers?  Yes I got to see Elder H. and a few others like Elder Duve and such. It was awesome to see them! I missed those guys a lot haha. I also will go home now with Elder Van Haren haha.

Did you have your blood drawn?!?  You are two weeks overdue. Yes I had my blood drawn and I have not yet received the results or anything, so I will let you know how all of that went, when I find out.

That cat mom she is an evil creature.... I have said it once and I will say it again, I am pretty sure she is like a fourth demon spawn.

I told him I loved the picture that the Diaz family had shared with us because the joy on his face is so awesome. I am glad you liked those pictures I miss that family, they are awesome and I love them. It was a great blessing to see them. (See picture below)

Okay so now for the spiritual story part of the letter. So I have felt in my life as I am sure you all have moments of weakness. Now it isn't so bad when we have those moments in solitude or a room at night or in the mountains or wherever, but when it is in the presence of those we love respect or cherish, I feel as if it becomes almost a disgrace. I do not know entirely why this is, but for me one of the reasons is because I feel as though I need to be strong for those around me. As well as I do not wish to appear weak and vulnerable to those around me. I have come to discover throughout my life as a result of certain events that being weak is not entirely a bad thing. We are weak because we are imperfect, and that is okay. True strength comes when we realize that we are weak and are willing to rely on others for strength in those moments of need. The Lord gives us an example of this, which I never saw it this way until a few days ago. In the Garden of Gethsemane the Lord asks the Father if there be some other way, and in a sense, asks for help during this time in his ministry. As a result an Angel is sent to comfort him, and give him the much needed aid, so that the Savior of the world could perform the very act that would save and indeed exalt many of His Fathers children. Now I am not saying the Savior was weak or had faults, for he was perfect, but I believe we can use this as an example in our lives that it is okay to struggle and wish for a different way. But when push comes to shove, are we willing to bite down and bear through the pain? Are we willing to swallow our pride and admit we need some help? For when we do this is when Heavenly aid can step in and give us that much needed help. These are just some of my thoughts from studies, probably not Doctrine or anything, but just some thoughts from pondering of mine. 

Well Mom I love you so much and hope that you can have an amazing week! I hope all goes well for Halloween and that you will have a fun holiday. If you could pray, especially for me and my companion I would be eternally grateful. Anyway I love you and hope to hear about all the fun next week!

Love, Elder Paxman

I love this picture of Elder Paxman and his reunion with the Diaz family.  Sister Diaz captured this picture and I love it because of the pure joy on my sons face.  He just loves this family.