When Push Comes to Shove

 Elder Paxman at transfers last Wednesday

Elder Paxman and his new greenie Elder S.

Dear Mom,

I am doing pretty good Mom, at least for the most part. I am indeed a trainer. It has been a week of lots of learning and growing for me and I believe and hope for my companion as well.  His name is Quintin Seegmiller. (I think that is how you spell it) He is from Syracuse Utah and he is 18! I really like him, he is a good kid.  I definitely think we get along well and have things in common.

I hope I can be a good trainer for him and help him along the path to eternal life. The new schedule now that I am a trainer is mainly just 2 hours of comp study a day instead of 1. We will work on the Spanish when that time comes, as of right now we have a little more pressing matters haha. His Spanish is actually pretty good! He is good at speaking he struggles to understand, but for the most part he is doing very well with his Spanish especially at his age in the mission. My Spanish is improving daily it seems it is pretty good I feel.  I have really tried to be open to any ideas he has and to help encourage him to speak the language well. I hope I have been a good trainer... It makes me think of all the times in my life I have felt inadequate, which there have been oh so many, as I am sure there is in everyone's life. We just want to show people we can do things too and we are worth the effort, and almost every time this feeling has occurred, the Lord has brought me through it, and I have seen Him bring many others through it as well. So I know he will help us if we simply let him. Thanks for all of the advice mom, every little bit helps, and all of the prayers for all of us as missionaries are much appreciated. 8/  I hope I can live up to everyone's expectations... I really want to be the best I possibly can for him and for the Lord. It breaks my heart to see those I love and have come to love struggle. I have been blessed to be able to Love him at least a fraction the way the Savior does.

 The work has been going good, the last few days we have found a few new people and taught quite a few people. We usually spend at least 5-6 hours tracting or teaching a day.   Everyone is doing pretty good, Bertin is still struggling with getting an answer. Mom I wish to take a moment to say how much I love that young man, he has become a dear friend of mine and another person whom I hope to see enter the waters of Baptism and continue in this Gospel.  He is an amazing person, and I hope you get to meet him one day. Thank you again for all the prayers I think often times I forget that behind each missionary are around a billion other people on all sides of the veil, rooting and cheering them on. I know I have felt the closeness of many people who are far from me in my dark moments, whether on this or the other side of the veil.

That is awesome about the area 70 and the Stake Conference.  I hope to be able to keep in contact with many of those whom I have touched and have touched me spiritually for many many years. I will have to read that scripture and see if I can put the emphasis on it as well. So as far as the music goes, did you put together a CD, with all the songs I mentioned on it?? If not if you could do so, that would be awesome! And it is alright if not. I got both the letter and the postcard so we are in business as far as me receiving mail at the residence goes.  I am way looking forward to the package!! Thanks mom for putting those together for me! I will definitely check the mail for the package.

As far as Halloween goes we have not done anything fun really. It isn't as big of a holiday for us missionaries as Christmas or Easter. We just had the party this last week.

I have already bought the Halloween candy and put it in the bowl and Daddy keeps trying to snitch butterfingers out of it.  I might have to hide it.  Hahahahaha Hey I would be doing the same if I was home! I love Butterfingers so much; they are probably the best candy in the world!

How is your weather?  Has it cooled down at all?  Are you wearing sweaters yet?  

I have worn a sweater a few times, but not many. It is still pretty much the same as far as weather goes here. I am expecting the temperature to drop here soon.

At transfer meeting did Elder Hjelm happen to mention if he would be done with his bike or not?  His mom said she would remind him that you want to buy it from him.  Does your companion have a bike or did he have to buy one when he got to Indy?  Yea so he gave me his bike and stuff so we are good on that front. Plus it has been super nice riding his bike; also it has been nice because I think the other one is just about dead haha. My companion bought one online that was there when we got his luggage and stuff. So that was nice.

Have you bought a blanket yet? I don't have a blanket yet, I have not needed one, I actually have been hot at nights sometimes. I am still not sure if I am not a vampire or something!  haha.

Did you get to see any Elders you hadn't seen yet while you were at Transfers?  Yes I got to see Elder H. and a few others like Elder Duve and such. It was awesome to see them! I missed those guys a lot haha. I also will go home now with Elder Van Haren haha.

Did you have your blood drawn?!?  You are two weeks overdue. Yes I had my blood drawn and I have not yet received the results or anything, so I will let you know how all of that went, when I find out.

That cat mom she is an evil creature.... I have said it once and I will say it again, I am pretty sure she is like a fourth demon spawn.

I told him I loved the picture that the Diaz family had shared with us because the joy on his face is so awesome. I am glad you liked those pictures I miss that family, they are awesome and I love them. It was a great blessing to see them. (See picture below)

Okay so now for the spiritual story part of the letter. So I have felt in my life as I am sure you all have moments of weakness. Now it isn't so bad when we have those moments in solitude or a room at night or in the mountains or wherever, but when it is in the presence of those we love respect or cherish, I feel as if it becomes almost a disgrace. I do not know entirely why this is, but for me one of the reasons is because I feel as though I need to be strong for those around me. As well as I do not wish to appear weak and vulnerable to those around me. I have come to discover throughout my life as a result of certain events that being weak is not entirely a bad thing. We are weak because we are imperfect, and that is okay. True strength comes when we realize that we are weak and are willing to rely on others for strength in those moments of need. The Lord gives us an example of this, which I never saw it this way until a few days ago. In the Garden of Gethsemane the Lord asks the Father if there be some other way, and in a sense, asks for help during this time in his ministry. As a result an Angel is sent to comfort him, and give him the much needed aid, so that the Savior of the world could perform the very act that would save and indeed exalt many of His Fathers children. Now I am not saying the Savior was weak or had faults, for he was perfect, but I believe we can use this as an example in our lives that it is okay to struggle and wish for a different way. But when push comes to shove, are we willing to bite down and bear through the pain? Are we willing to swallow our pride and admit we need some help? For when we do this is when Heavenly aid can step in and give us that much needed help. These are just some of my thoughts from studies, probably not Doctrine or anything, but just some thoughts from pondering of mine. 

Well Mom I love you so much and hope that you can have an amazing week! I hope all goes well for Halloween and that you will have a fun holiday. If you could pray, especially for me and my companion I would be eternally grateful. Anyway I love you and hope to hear about all the fun next week!

Love, Elder Paxman

I love this picture of Elder Paxman and his reunion with the Diaz family.  Sister Diaz captured this picture and I love it because of the pure joy on my sons face.  He just loves this family.

"Be Still and know that I am God"

 Elder Paxman, Elder Rowberry, Elder G
 and the Diaz Family.  These pictures were sent to us by Sister Diaz
via facebook.

Elder Paxman LOVES this family!

Dear Mom,

I am doing pretty good Mom, although first off this week’s letter might be a tad shorter, because of transfers.

So Transfers are this week and I know transfer calls go out on Sunday so you must know if you are getting transferred and where you will be.  What's the news?  So the news with that... I am staying in Seymour and Elder Golledge is leaving. Oh and something else...... I am getting a GREENIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My first Trainee, it is crazy I am way nervous.....

On our family Vacation we ate at a place he loves called Family Tree in Santaquin.  We saw tons of scarecrows in Scipio and Torrey Utah. We did some antique shopping and we drove on the Hog’s Spine, a road that is the devil of scary. I love those scones and we will need to go there when I come back, which by the way I finally received my official release date! June 30th!! So my mission overall actually got extended!! It’s awesome! Antique stores, they are really fun to go around and look in. That one sounds really cool though. Scarecrows, I am surprised you didn't freak out thinking of Supernatural!!  hahahaha There are a few scarecrows out here.  I got a good laugh of the pictograph poses. Bailee and Kyle look more Asian, Brooklyn looks like she was a bug nailed on a windshield and dad and Egyptian; so I laughed about that one. Dad was probably goofing around like we would usually do before the pictures hahaha. Ba ha ha.. Oh mom you and heights. Dad and I will have to take the Bikes on that ride!! And the family can follow behind in the Van or something. (He is referring to my fear of the scary road)

The pictograph Picture we took

It sounds like an amazing trip I am way jealous and we will definitely have to go when I get back!! While staying at Ruby’s Inn we visited with a missionary who served in Indiana with Ben. ELDER SYRETT!! I love that kid! I am glad you got to talk to him, I really like him. I also know Elder Brinkerhoff he is a cool Elder too, I do not know him as well though.

On Sunday the Diaz family who Ben and Elder Hjelm converted and baptized almost a year ago sent me pictures taken with him at church.  However, they live an hour away from where he is currently serving.  So I was surprised to see the pictures. I asked him if he knew they were coming or if they surprised him. I was surprised by the Diaz family so it was amazing to see them! They are like family to me, like a goofy aunt and Uncle and two awesome cousins. I am excited for the day when you get to meet them. I didn't get to chat with them long, because, we were getting ready for church and had a few meetings before I saw them. So it was more rushed than I would have liked, but oh well. They gave me some food, and stuff, which was so nice of them. It was just so amazing to see them!!! I love them so much! The members really enjoyed that they came as well, because they stayed for the first hour, which ironically enough I was giving a talk that week. A surprise one at that! The night before church the speakers fell through and so Elder Golledge and I had to prepare them with only like 2 hours total prep time. But a lot of people liked it so I think it went well.

How is the work?  How are your investigators? The work has been much the same. Magdalena a lady we have been teaching only recently, came to church, but it was a weird Sunday because of meetings and stuff so I hope she liked it. We should get to see her again on Tuesday, so hopefully all goes well there.  B. is struggling at the moment, but not in too bad of a way. So I ask all to pray for him!! He is trying to decide which church he should be baptized into, ours or the Evangelical church. He believes in the Book of Mormon, but he wants to know he is doing the right thing. So please pray that he may get the answer from God that this is where he needs to be.  Gods only true church on the earth, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

Alex told me about his new job so I am excited for him. How did the Dinner go with Aunt Brenda and family? What do you think of the new boyfriend? How is Parker treating Rachel? I am glad she likes him. He seems to be a good kid. Don't forget the music list that I sent you a few weeks back in the email. I want that music sooner than later :) thanks mommy.

Okay now like I said this letter is going to be a little shorter. But could I first ask a favor of you. I need you to put my name in the temple this week. Not for anything grave, but just to help me to know how to best train this new missionary, and that both he and I can be edified in doing the work. It would mean a lot to me if you could do that. I am nervous for this calling so to speak. I know the Lord qualifies us for our callings and is always there to help us, but I would still really appreciate it.

Okay story time, so like I said about Bertin He is having a hard time right now trying to decide and more than this get an answer. We were teaching him, and I had already told him, and testified, and done all I felt I could. I feel as though this happens many times throughout our lives, we reach a point where we feel we have done all we can, it may not be the same circumstance, but it is still the same. We do all we can to help influence those around us, but there comes a point when we have nothing left to offer, we are all out of ammo so to speak. So we were talking, and I just remember saying a few words that I had left. I remember saying something similar to... You know Bertin, we have taught you many things over the last few weeks, but all we have taught you, and will teach you, will mean nothing if you do not take it into your heart, and strive in believing them to be true. He knew as I did in that moment, that I was speaking the truth and that WE were and are Representatives of God. I had been pondering the last few days in some moments of hardship, questioning if I had made the right choice in returning to the mission, and if so how will I know it. Because as far as everything else had gone, with frustrations, teaching very little, not having much success and feeling like I was drowning. I remember asking God this question deep in my heart; of did I do the right thing. And when I taught B that simple truth and felt Gods love for him and the Spirit of the Lord in abundance there was no doubt in my mind that I made the right choice. Yes things will still be hard at times, and yes I have much to learn, but I know just as I knew back the first time that I am called of God, as his Servant and Friend in helping bring to pass "the immortality and eternal life of man"!!! I know it and I know God knows it and that he wants me to be happy and be proud of the decisions I made. That is the advice or spiritual message I have had this week. We must when all things seem dark, push forward and know that we have made the right decisions, for if we have, God will be there to greet us on the other side. We will know without a doubt that we served him the way we should have, and we will never be disappointed in the decisions we make, if God is involved in the making of it. So yep this week was really hard and great at the same time. Now, look forward to the next day and the next Dawn and the next challenging horizon.

Well I love you so much and hope that everything goes great this coming week.  I hope that you enjoy your calling, for it is of God, if you have felt it, and even if you haven't, trust in his servants and move forward knowing and following his council. "Be still and know that I am God".

Love, Elder Paxman

The Amazing Miracle of Forgiveness

Picture of Spanish Training taken from Touch All The Lines, Indiana Mission Facebook page

Dear Mom,

I am doing pretty good for the most part!

How did the lesson you had to teach at Zone Conference go? Where was zone conference?  Is this something that President Cleveland comes to?  I will talk more about the training in Zone meeting near the end.  But the training went really well! I do feel that it was well received by some in the Zone. Zone meetings President Cleveland does not attend, and it was in Columbus.

Responses to news from home: That is awesome that you are on fall break for 2 weeks you lucky dogs haha. The family vacation you have planned sounds way fun!! You should see if you can find Elder Syrett and or his family!! He would freak out if he knew who you were!! I would too!!!  You bowled a 218, holy cow mom that is really good! I am glad you enjoyed the motorcycle ride with Dad, that way when I get back we can all go on some fun rides! That is a pretty cool story with the car! I am glad you listened to the spirit, so that the story ended in a good way. I love Bro. Smiley he is an awesome guy!

Where did you see meet the Mormons?  We saw it and my favorite stories were the ones about the Candy Bomber and the Mother, but I liked them all.  Did you have a favorite? We saw it both times as part of training, it was awesome. I really liked the Candy Bomber and the Fighter and really all of them!! I really liked the whole thing! Spanish Elders saw it first at our specialized training.  We were the first people to see it in all of Indiana!! We watched it in the church.

Transfers are next week do you think you will be transferred? For transfers it is probably about a 40/60 chance of leaving or staying so I am not really sure. It is crazy that I have been out almost an entire transfer; it blows my mind all the time!!

How are your investigators?  Bertin, Carlos and Freddie?  Any news on them?  How about success in finding any others?  You would think that opening a new area; you will be able to tract out many people.  Do you feel like you have covered much of the new area yet?  How is mission life going overall? So we got a total of 6 lessons this week...... Not ideal at all. I learned a lot this week. That is for sure. As far as finding more investigators, very slow because of some different reasons which I will not really go into.... :(  Freddie has fallen off the face of the earth, we can't find him. Carlos is still progressing, but just super slowly because of his very little understanding. Bertin is doing well, our main struggle with him, is committing to baptism. He is so close, but just not quite there yet... It drives me insane because I know of the happiness the Gospel can bring him, and those around him. I don't feel like we have covered much of the area, a chunk, but not a ton of it. As far as the work goes overall, it is slow for some certain reasons that make me very angry so they will not be discussed. I really like my companion.

Mom this letter is probably going to be shorter than usual because of the holiday so I am sorry. So now about the training. I taught my lesson last, and it was supposed to be something motivational, but the more I prayed and studied the more it came out kind of harsh...  I really put a lot of work into it all, and when it came time to give it I just went for it. So I started off by telling them that this is going to be a very personal training and not on how to do things with those around you, but on how to better yourself. I read a scripture in Alma that is very strong talking about how we are all guilty according to thoughts and actions and such and how we all must come to a realization of this, either now or before the Lord at the Last Day. So after that I said for this training to have any impact you cannot to yourself, and most importantly the Lord. I then went on to share some stories of my life and principles I have learned. One story I shared was the one about the baby duckling I brought home when I was really young. I don't even know if you remember the story, how Dad told me that I had done something very bad because the mother would now never take it back. I then later saw when I took it back how the mother ignored it, all because of something I had done. So I related this to how all of our actions have consequences no matter how big or small. Everything has an effect, kind of like the ripple on the water. I shared how we needed to be better not only in how we teach, but as in who we are. I shared with them ways that I had experienced this in my life. I shared a letter from Dad that I hold very dear which caused several in the Zone to cry... Including me, because I had not read it in a very long time. I told them how if we expect to be servants and representatives of the Lord we needed to be striving to be better than we now are. I told them that all things are possible if we are but diligent, and obedient. I have seen it in my mission, there are many other things we must do to invoke the blessings of Heaven as well, but if you start there, the others will follow as you continue to push forward with that steadfastness in Christ. I told them how they will never know the full value the badge they carry on their chest until that day when it is no longer there. I promised them many blessings if they improve themselves and truly commit themselves to the work. I had them do a commitment similar to the one the Stake President gave me when I came home, with the notecard.  I told them to take a note card and write down 5 goals and things you want to accomplish in this next transfer, and not like have 10 baptisms, but ways to improve yourself. I feel it went well.

Okay now for another story of the mission. So this week in the mission has been very hard.  As the week went on and my Patience continued to go down farther and farther, I not only noticed a decline in the work, but a decline in myself. Then one day I felt this feeling, and I will never forget it. It was along the lines of Christ’s discourse on the beam in one’s own eye. It hit me very hard, because to me my issues were because of things and people around me and how they had been affecting me. So I continued to ponder on that. I saw that yes because of the actions of others the area was struggling but that I was not helping it in any way by feeling negative and angry!  I got humbly to my knees one night when my companion had gone to sleep and asked for forgiveness and the spirit of forgiveness that I may forgive.  I felt the Lord's love for them and many others in that moment. I felt the amazing miracle of Forgiveness not for myself, but for others, which also helped me feel forgiven of my own sins and short comings, which there are many of. I learned as we were taught in Conference, that we are to love others as the Savior would, which is even more than I can imagine.  I feel as though I have been blessed to see a portion of the Saviors love in a time when I needed it. Yes things are still hard and at times I still get frustrated, but I know now that I must be better, follow the lesson I had given at zone conference.  It was a week where I learned a lot.

Well I love you so very much and hope that everything goes great for you this week!! I hope the vacation is fun and all goes well. I love you all and my prayers are with you daily. I hope to hear from you soon!

Love, Elder Paxman

Pushing a mission vehicle

Dear Mom,

I am doing pretty great things have definitely been crazy here!! 

Good job bowling a 204, wow that's a good game. It scares me that Brooklyn is driving all the time, makes me nervous haha.

I have been thinking about some things, how we deal with family and friends and decided, I feel it is important we let those people around us know what we believe in, but it is not our duty to tell them they are wrong or judge them, when they are trying their best.  We must love them as the Savior does, which means if necessary we must be willing to go to Calvary and back for them. (Deep thought I know). I know that if we treat these tender situations with care and have the spirit with us, so it may be with those we care about when they are in our presence, through our example they can come to the knowledge that Jesus is the Christ and that this is his one true church, and they will wish to live by its laws, but we must be wise and prayerful in all things.

(I shared with him that I made homemade soup, rolls and a new pumpkin desert that tastes similar to pumpkin pie for conference Sunday)So now you make the really good stuff once I am gone... Okay I see how it is. I don’t mind pumpkin pie it is quite good, so I would probably like that desert.

What were a few of your favorite talks?  Where did you watch Conference on Saturday and on Sunday?  Did you get any good food involved with Conference?  Did any investigators go to Conference?  I really enjoyed every talk; there was not one talk that I did not write something down for. Some of my favorite talks were by Elder Robbins, Elder Eyring, Elder Klebingat, and Elder Monson's in the Priesthood session.  Both Bertin and Carlos came to conference for at least one of the sessions so that was amazing.

(I told him that we heard his Cousin Elder White had been assigned to an area called Sepota, Chuck.  He is in the Micronesia Guam missioin.  I told him that he told his parents he would be living in a hut, sleeping on a yoga mat with no electricity, no running water and no toilets.  And that he would not have access to email and his parents would receive a hand written letter from him once a month when he goes to a bigger island for zone conference. His parents feel like it is straight out of the movie The Other Side of Heaven.) That would be super fun to be there with Nick!!  I think that is a crazy awesome adventure, I am a little jealous. I do remember that movie.

Speaking of Movies, I got to see Meet the Mormons!! It is an awesome movie we watched it at the specialized Spanish training.

I hear you Seymour Elders are so far out you are exiled and that no one expected you to be successful in getting your investigators to chuch because they have to drive so far.  But, you have had investigators to church every week.  Hahahaha yep that's us Seymour Elders for you, doing the impossible one step at a time. Just following the Master.

Who is the Drew you mentioned hearing from last week? This is Drew Hunt! So it was amazing to hear from him.

Have you met any new people?  Do have much reason to meet up with the sisters in your area?  Are they in a car or are they on bikes as well?  How far do the sisters live from you?  Is there an English ward or branch in Seymour?  If so do the sisters get fed often?  Have you had any meals lately? How are your investigators doing? B is doing well, he is trying to get work off to come to Church with us, and he is reading and progressing.  We are having trouble putting him on a date for baptism though because of some family things. Carlos is scheduled to be baptized on the first of November, and Freddie is doing well.  We have met a few new people, but as of now, none are really progressing. We don’t interact with the sisters too much, we sometimes eat with the sisters, or see them around. They have a full time car as do ALL sisters in my mission..... no comment..... The sisters get fed very often; they live about a 5 to 10 min walk from our house. There is a ward in North Vernon that all of the English members in Seymour attend.

How was Spanish training?  Did you enjoy it?  What was it like?  How was it seeing Elder Hjelm. again? Do Elders even hug each other?  Yes mom Elders hug, probably a little too much actually. Ha ha! It was awesome to see Elder Hjelm again, he was really busy because he was partially in charge of the training meeting. The meeting was awesome and we learned a lot, and like I said we got to watch Meet the Mormons, which was a super good movie.

Did you get your packages? Sorry your Butterfingers were opened, daddy had one and I had one.  I did get my two packages and I am very grateful for them. I loved the fruit roll-ups they were super good, and nice to have. The butterfingers made it and were very good. I assumed they were taken out for dad haha. The weather has been good, this weekend it dropped to the 50's but is coming back up into the 70's and 60's this week. I have not needed my coat or the sweaters; I handle the cold pretty well surprisingly. I have had to use my rain jacket only twice.

Have you heard from any of your other missionary friends?  Like your MTC companion Elder Johnston, Trenton, or Joel or anyone.  Do you get many emails each week, if so who writes besides me, Bailee and daddy? I have heard from all of my friends since being back, and I usually average 11 to 12 emails a week. Also I am in constant contact with Elder Johnston my companion in the MTC.

It is almost getting time for you to have your blood drawn.  I will research a place for you to do that and send you the info either in a mailed letter this week or in next week’s email. :)  You should probably have it drawn next week.  Yea get me all the paper work and everything. Sister Steadman is actually in the process of doing all that stuff. I really like her a lot; she gave me a hug the first day back in the mission in front of all the sisters. Then she proceeded to lecture me about things like weight, diet and such in front of all the new sisters. So not only did I break a mission rule by being hugged by a female in front of them, but then was humiliated in front of them by Sister Steadman. I love her, she is like a goofy Aunt.

Ok so first I have a request, I need more music, I have every song of the Work memorized and can harmonize with them now... It’s kind of sad. Okay stories and such. First off Elder Rowberry and I, whenever we are together interesting things happen, like this week. I pushed the mission vehicle for over a mile so we could get to an appointment and still have the miles to drive the car home. Crazy stuff, and it happens whenever he and I are together.  It is pretty great!!

Excerpt from Elder Rowberry’s email this week, shared to me by his sweet mom, telling the same story:

Dear Family and Friends,

I have come to the realization that Elder Paxman and I should avoid each other at all costs. Too many ridiculous things happen when we're together. (Elder Rowberry’s way of saying they are having a good time)

On the last day of the month, we had District Meeting and I decided to go on exchanges afterward. And all was going well until we realized that we were nearly out of miles. We had appointments to go to and had no way to get there. I thought that I had budgeted everything out sufficiently, but I suppose things must have come up and there weren't enough miles.

So, we did what we had to do. Our appointment was 7.2 miles roundtrip, and we only had 7 miles left. So, we threw the car into neutral and we pushed it for about a mile. (A little more than we needed to, but we wanted to make sure that we were covered.) Elder Paxman and I had a blast pushing it, and it turned out to be a spiritually uplifting experience.

However, it was really awkward as we pushed the car past bystanders. "Do you guys need a jump? Some gas?" At first we tried to explain the whole limited mileage situation, but it was so bizarre and long to explain that we eventually resorted to, "Nope, we're just doing this for fun!" But, I'm grateful to know that there are still good people in the world who would offer their help.

We made it to the lesson. The lesson went phenomenally well, and we came in under our mileage allotment.

Now a story from Conference. First though, sorry this is really sporadic and badly written I have very little time, but did not want to cut down on the length of my letter to you. So it was the first session in General Conference and a Seventy gets up to speak, Elder Robbins. He gets up and as he is giving the talk and I felt like he was speaking directly to me.  He rebukes me and calls me to repentance through the Spirit of the Lord...  I learned that I had not been facing the right direction, I have been so worried about pleasing those around me that I had forgotten about the reason I am out here and Who I am serving. It was a very humbling moment for me... Although very enlightening, as it gave me the tools, strength, and inspiration to change how I act and who I am to be a better servant of God. Many of us, I believe suffer from this same thing. We are not facing the right way. We worry about what others will think more than what God will think, which will almost undoubtedly cause us trouble in the long run. Remember that the Lords way is always the best way. I learned that I need to stop fearing those around me and be the servant of God I am meant to be, not just who people want me to be. So that was one of the greatest lessons I learned from Conference this week. One more thing, this week on Friday I have to give a 20 minute training in front of the whole ZONE!! I am freaking out a little yet feel as though I can do it with the help of the Lord. It is going to be on "How to motivate the Zone to be better servants of the Lord, or how to help them be motivated to continue to be good servants. Sadly I have felt the impression to follow the first. I will be needing the Spirit in such an abundance so that it may carry the message that I share to the hearts of those listening, As well as to my mind as I research this subject. So this interested me. What inspires us to act? Now many people would say, well a Love of God, or something along those lines. All though that is great, I know that, that is not all true! Do not tell me those primary answers.  We are all motivated by different things. One should always be the Love of God, but I see many other things as well, but people are just afraid to admit that they are weak or many other things. This is what is going to be hard in this training, because I cannot inspire someone unto greatness, only they themselves can change to be the person they want, and need to be. And so with it Inspire and motivate themselves every day. I know it is hard, I have seen in my life being motivated by fear, lust, pride, duty. Many things, some are even good, but are they the best. So I ask your help this week and all those who might read my blog, if they want to participate. One, I need your prayers to be able to give a spiritually powerful training, second I need your input. What have you seen inspire you to be better? Anything it can be absolutely anything. If you are not sure, stop and think "Why am I doing this? What is my motivation behind it? Is it what God wants me to do?" And many other questions like unto these. Any feedback is awesome!!  Plus searching deep in oneself, we often find the deepest yearnings of our soul, and what we desire most. If it is good keep it, if not throw it out and change, repent and be better as I had to. So if you could do that for me it would be great. I can promise that blessings will come as we are motivated by righteous things to act in accordance with Gods will. If we are not than we are all invited to change by the Great Healer even Jesus Christ, I have felt this as of late, it is humbling and a little hard, but the feeling of being better and closer to God will triumph any of those other feelings, I know it because I have felt it. So there is my challenge and my plea. If you could help that would be amazing!

Well I love you so very much Mom and all. I hope everything is going well for you at home and that you aren't too sore from resuming the duty of Mowing the Lawn, remember he mowed it first hahaha (okay maybe I shouldn't say that, it sounds like sacrilege). Anyway I love you and hope to hear from you next week or sooner, if you wish, so that I can have your thoughts by the time I train on Friday, so by Thursday!

With much Love, Elder Paxman

PS. Pushing a mission vehicle is not my idea of having a full time car..... hahaha Love you!