Haz lo Justo

Elder Paxman and Elder Ryan at Christmas.

I think Elder Ryan took this since his dad posted it and I stole it. :)

Dear Mom,

I liked the quotes, because they were in the CES devotional and we got to watch it with the Nehrings which was really nice. I needed that message.

How is your health from last week? I am feeling pretty good. The medicine has kicked in and is working well.

Did you need House of Glory in English or Spanish? I should have clarified, the book should probably be in English. The members both speak Spanish, but one of them speaks English better than Spanish. The book is for the Ramirez family, an amazing family I am close to out here and they are going to attend the temple and get sealed here this next month. I thought reading the book might be helpful, it was to me.

I read you are having severe Ice Storms.  Have these affected you, how is your weather and are you staying warm? The weather has been really cold. We had an ice storm, but it hasn't affected us much at all. So other than just being really cold sometimes we are doing pretty good. I am keeping warm and love the scarf you gave me for Christmas, although sometimes I have no idea how to wear it so I feel kind of goofy, plus they have never been much my style, but hey when you are cold, you just don't even care. This morning it was misting and super foggy so that was interesting, other than that like I said just cold.

I shared with him an experience that had me crying in singing time in Primary. Bahahaha mom, you just can't keep it together anymore can you?! Well I can't judge too much, I am a boob too. Most of mine though are in quite moments of pondering or prayer anymore. Hahaha plus Wes is a cute little bugger. I like your sunbeam stories, hahaha that is a really cute comment about them looking just like Jesus. I really like little kids most of the time, when they are not little demonios of course.

How are your District Leader responsibilities going? Have you been to any of the Mission Leadership meetings? How is Carlos doing since his baptism?  How is the teaching of B by the Seymour Elders? Being DL is not too big of a deal. Although this last transfer with all the crazy stuff we didn't really have to do much. Most District meetings were cancelled. Although, I like it so far. Someone teased me the other day that here after this transfer I will go ZL.... I looked at them and said yea right... That would scare the tar out of me... Anyway on to happier thoughts.

The Seymour Elders are doing good. Elder Wright is leaving and Elder Porter is staying. Of course my companion and I are staying together. So that is awesome. Carlos is doing amazing and is still coming to church despite many of the struggles he has faced lately. Bertin, they are having a hard time contacting him still. Although we found out his mom has cancer, unfortunately sometimes those types of things become another incentive to listen to the gospel. I hope he is doing alright. I have been to one leadership training, when I got put as DL and it was a special situation.  We did go to a trainer/trainee meeting which was awesome.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Elder Cozzens is engaged!!!!!!!!! That is freaking crazy!!!!!!!!!!! My trainer is engaged!!!!!! That is mind blowing he has only been home like 6 months!! IF that!! Man I feel super old mom, both in and out of the mission.

I told him that his dad had read the B of M, the New Testament and the D&C all in one year this past year and that I thought I might try it. Yea Dad told me! That is awesome! I am trying to read all the way through the Old Testament before the end of my mission. I am in second Samuel right now so we will see how it goes. Plus I really like the story of David.

How is the work?  Any luck finding investigators? The work is going slow as far as investigators go. We still haven't really found any so we are going to keep trying and expand our horizons. Yes we are really praying and fasting to find. I know He will guide us to those in need, for He has done it for me in times past.

You seem to love the branch there, have you grown close to many members? Yea I feel as I am close to a few families here in the branch. There are about 3 that I am very close to.

What has your daily schedule been like the past little while? Do you spend much time tracting? The past few days as far as the mission, we have been teaching members and doing service for the most part. So that has actually been very nice. It is hard to say a typical day, we try and do a few different things. One is knocking yes, another is less-active work, another is member, another is listing and a bunch of other stuff. So we just do what we can. We are trying right now to find the most effective way to find people.

Last week you mentioned having to translate Dr. Seuss.  What was that for? That was for sacrament meeting and for a member who was giving a Christmas talk, it was freakishly hard! Hahaha kind of fun though I thought.

As far as stories go, One that is kind of funny is watching church movies with my companion. I am old enough on the mission to have literally most of them memorized. So now I quote them and exaggerate and do funny things while watching them during breaks or whatever. I get my companion laughing a lot that way, so it is kind of fun. For example like the Testaments, we spend most the time laughing because of some stupid comment I make or something. 

We also went and split some wood for a member. My companion used to do it back home, so he knows how, and Brother Creasy, the member, has been doing it since he was little. So I tell them I kind of know how to do it, but not really. So they hand me the maul and put probably a 2 feet in diameter log in front of me and say we will teach you. Yea a lot harder than it looks, my arms are still a little sore, and we did that on Saturday. That is one way to make you feel like an idiot though, here you are swinging this ax at this freaking humongous log and getting nowhere and then he comes up and says let me show you.  He takes about 8 swings and the thing goes flying into two pieces. Although in my defense, he did have to use a wedge. So yea now I feel very week compared to most other people... So we are going to be doing that more, one because it is service and two so I can get better at it so I don't feel like such a nerd.... We got some good laughs out of that one. So yep that was most of the adventures from the rest of the week.

So now onto the more spiritual stuff, one thing that has become clear to me, is a change I have made between the first mission and the second. It was this; I never did tell people much about my background on the second mission. They do not know many of my trails or experiences. That was something I feel like I used more in the first mission. Well I have made a commitment to change that. I remember growing up I wanted to live my life in such a way that when I was older I could tell people stories of the "Marvelous adventures of Benjamin Paxman!" I stopped doing that though when I got back out. I was curious why... So I spent some time thinking and the answer to me was, simply that I didn't share, because I didn't care to share. I have learned that many people would rather hear a personal testimony through a story than only through the scriptures. Heck I am one of those people. So I have gone back to using that more. I realized that throughout my life some things have happened. I have done some freaking awesome things, I have done some ridiculously stupid things, and I have experienced the Hand of God in such abundance. Not to lessen anyone else's experiences, but I feel that my life has been directed of God more than even I myself have realized. I have fought for many things in this life; to go on a mission, to stay on that mission, to go back on that mission, and to influence the lives of those around me in any way I can. It is funny; many people think that when a battle is lost, we might as well give up... I have lost many battles in my life, and I am sure there will be many more I will lose; but losing a battle does NOT mean losing one’s salvation or ones goals. Maybe an example to illustrate my point;  I fought to stay on my first mission, and still  because powers outside of my control I lost that battle, but I would not have had the amazing spiritually growing experiences of fighting to make it back if it were not for going home in the first place! Losing does not mean defeat, not unless that is what you choose. We are free to act for ourselves. Happiness is not thrust upon us in this life, but found by those who seek it! If you want something truly and deeply enough you will do whatever it takes to find it. For me one was knowing for myself, despite all, that I was worth something more than a large medical bill and the accompanied sorrow. Now I am not saying that I am not worth something to others or myself, but in my experience it has been the hardest to find worth in my own self. It is easy for me to see the goodness and potential of others. But I have fallen into the pitfall that many of us often do, which is thinking the atonement and other gifts from God are for everyone else and not ourselves. We must remember the scripture, “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people. And He will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance..." We then are like yea that is so true, he takes care of everyone's sins and transgressions, but not mine. This is a sad thing, and I have suffered from it so much, and there may be more times where I get this mentality. Although I know he did all of these things for US and that includes ,myself and everyone else. (or whoever reads these/those words!) So remember that all the blessings promised are yours as well. Not just everyone's around you. Everyone is a beloved son or daughter of God, and if you don't know that or are not sure, you have been invited to find out, by many church leaders and prophets and now by me who is one of the least of these. Well that's my spiel. I love you so much and I hope you have a great week you are in my prayers daily and thank you for everything you do for me!

Love, Elder Paxman

Haz lo Justo!!  I love it so much better than Choose the Right!